Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
