I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
