Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize