yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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