I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
