The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
