i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
