Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
