3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
My ATM looks so different sober.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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