I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
