Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
