ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
