Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
