Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize