I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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