I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Can vaginas get frostbite?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
