This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize