Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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