his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
