my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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