I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
