I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
