So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
