mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
