unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
