Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
