JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
