So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i just made my gag reflex go away.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
