please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
