I wish my penis had an off switch
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
how does that bad decision feel?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
