I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
