I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Randomize
