11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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