Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
