my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
