the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
it's like iHOP with fire
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
