Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
