I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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