My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
