Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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