Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
