i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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