im drinking this country out of the recession.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Your penis caused this!
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