Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
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