My sheets look like a crime scene.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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