worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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