how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
A bitchslap is in order.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
