I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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