what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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