if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
