i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
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