I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
