you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Plan B is the new Plan A
i think my tv is drunk
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
She even gives head with a lisp.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Randomize
