she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
