You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
