I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
