Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
