a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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