She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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