Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
