She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
