I'm jealous of your bromance
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
