i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize