It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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