dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize