is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
