Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
