i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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