I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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