i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
My cat gives me a boner
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
