i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize