i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
