some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
