I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Randomize
