You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
