I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
