I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
