ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
