shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
