I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
