i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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