As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize
